today's second @.@!!

I promise that I will protect, no matter what happen to us.. no matter how harsh things can go..  no matter what.. I'll protect.. I might not have the strength.. but when thing comes, I won't be like the coward you see back then who doesn't dare to stand up for you.

Friends, close friends.. I am sorry I might act like a jerk sometimes.. and I might even hurt you without me noticing. But still, when people wanted to do anything bad to you.. I will help.. I will.. protect the one that always there for me..

Family, Who is angel who is evil.. I can actually different shape them. For the angels, although sometimes we can't manage our relation nicely but i know you are the angel who always here as a guardian for me. As for the devil, you freaking attitude can go to become actor and actress ade @.@!!!!

^^ love you XD hate you @.@!!!!

today‘s

Things which are there but never there, things which not exits in my life they exits... Somehow today i have a weird feeling.. Which causes me to look at the sky and smile for several times.. and even look at people and think of many things.. Even think of the future what will me and you would be..

Maybe I just think too much.. since days will keep go on and on and on.. past can just remains as memories.. There i nothing i can do to change anything that is already happen. To you, I might be a fool, might be a person who doesn't cares,  or even a person that is your toy for that several months. But honestly, to me you are just the same as I am or even worst. People tend to hurt the others in order to protect themselves, selfish or is a must? To be honest too I am not that good in a person too.

No matter who you hurt.. Don't hurt your close ones. For me, you can hurt me but not the one I loves. That day, You went to meet her up, her smile fade away because of your appearance.. To be honest, you can really take off your mask that you always wear it in front of us.. To us, you are the worst person we know.. and yet must respect. That day I cried, not because how she left us but how useless I am can't even go to your front scold you and slap you with my bare hands. she left with a broken heart, suffering the pain she have after the surgery, but the most painful thing is her broken heart that you cause.

How often I feel I am this useless and stupid. I can't say a word because you are my elder.. I can't fight because I respect. But do you worth it? You are just an a**ho*e who tend to eat up everything we have. Your  f***ing jealousy and greediness, your stupid mindset... I said i never make her cry for me nor anyone too. Bi***  Don't let me see you next time.. don't let me see ur entire family on the street or what ever.. if not.. you are really dead.. You and your family  !@#!$%@$!@#!@$!$

I am listening to these [korean version]

yess~~ this song~~ from super junior, the first song I listen from them.. and love it after the second time I listen to it~~ I always wanted to scold people but seems like I don't have the guts to scold XD but after listen to this song this phrase always appear in my mind "不喜欢有怎样？我喜欢啊~~不爽就走开，别在这里咯咯说说。。本小姐没那个心情理你。。" ^^ yup I believe there is a devil inside me XD

TVXQ~~ <3 my first korean love~~ XD hahahaha I bet nobody know that XD Just because of this song~~ Hero~~ <3 my love~~ XD gives me hope in music~ XD coz before all these~ I don even love to listen to any kinds of music~~ XD but this... wow~~ love it^^

Lets have some updated girls group~~ miss a~~ personally I don really like them in the first place.. but this song.. change my mind towards them~~ XD how they dance is really XD lovely~~ and sexy~~ T.T i need to keep fit~~ lose weight.. back to the slim me XD [hopefully^^]

Another beautiful girl group~~ Secret~~ XD they are sexy and beautiful~~ From the first spot they sing this song.. omg... addicted~~ madonna madonna madonna~~ XD shake shake~~ @.@!!!

Another Another girl band~~ XD Sistar Push push baby~~ push push baby~~ XD eeeee~~ addicted~~ XD
hmmm.... Aren't you think all the girls group above is hard to different shape?

YG family~~ 2ne1~~ yes~~ their songs are to anyone (2ne1) hahaha I never notice it until some guy post the description for their band name XD hahahaha this song ~~ wossshh~~ high high~~ XD now compare to the girls group above.. hahaha this is a bit diff oh^^

Hahahaha look same with 2ne1? yup~~ they are the same style i think~~ XD 4minute~~ I my me mine~~ XD somebody asked me before Am I his? I just post this video for him and said.. I my me mine.. XD I am mine~~ XD

For snsd... they getting worst... for me la~~ XD hahaha but some of theirs songs i still listen.. but this was the best for me since i first listen to this XD

Finally, their (snsd) sister hahaha fx~~ compare fx and snsd.. i think i prefer fx more~~ XD hehehehehe this song their moves~~ i used to dance from the top till de bottom.. but now.. I cant even dance.. T.T

Did i miss somebody? XD KARA~~ Su jing fav girl band i think XD hahaha XD I admit it.. i don't like them.. XD but time goes by.. Wow~~ Love them.. but now they dismiss the band T.T is too late~~ T.T this song~~ is my fav from them XD

eeee~~~ back to boys group~~ XD Shinee~~ lucifer~~ XD arrrr~~ from cute cute little boy change to a punk teenage~~ XD hahahahah XD lucifer lucifer lucifer~~ XD

eeee~~~ boys band worr~~ my yong yong group sure wont forgot de~~ XD hahahahah from lies to love song~~ arrr~~ can see they changing from a street guy to a mature men~~ XD especially yong yong~~ XD arrrr~~love love

Everyday i shock~~ SHOCK really get shock by them when they pop out XD hahahaha but still~~ cute cute~~ XD arrrr~~ BE2ST hahahaha XD like like XD

I can't stop good love good love (to yong yong) XD hahahahaha their songs.. overall.. i love this the most XD hahahahanot really adicted to them.. but yea~~ XD hahaha

eeee... T.T although one of them left the group T.T but still they survive~~ XD but still i love this the most.. 2pm hwaiting XD

As for super junior & TVXQ please refer above above XD hahahah
kkk.... that's it.. If not i will non-stop listing till the end of the year also can't fin listing ^^ hope you guys love it ^^ hahaha support korea~~ support yong yong XD

No mood no mood no mood no mood.. >
Don't feel like doing anything... but force to do everything... >
=.=llllll

ignorance which brings my memories back (>.<)

Don't know how to say it properly already.. for those who reading hope you can understands.. >

Today, there is a kind of feel that I used to forget.. is back.. "abandon and forgotten", "with or without me they still can hang on aren't they?" This feeling... is back.. Scared.. thought I've already forgotten this feeling. Today, just now.. it is back again.. I felt this when I was 10 till form 4.. I thought I buried it.. but I guess not.


If you tell me just ignore it.. then everything will be fine.. And I'll just replied sorry no can't do.. These people are important to me.. The more important they are, their ignorance means a lot to me. Most of the people thought that i don't think much or I am optimistic.. But sadly, I am a person who thinks a lot and will be very emo in a way. Not much people can see it from me.. Cause I always hide it in front of people, is not that I purposely hide it from everybody including those who are important to me. But I think why make them worried bout me? And so I rather take care of it by myself..

Guess that I am one of those freak? Not much people understands me, or should I say I don't show much in front of people? Is not like I am blaming either you understands me or not, but just to said that we don't show much about our characteristic aren't we? Family, friends, lover.. people around me... I just show some parts of me to them.. that is why when i did something, there sure will be some people understands why i did that and some people thinks that I am faking it out.

Standard 1-6, there are always a gang who fight against me.. they team up and try not to hang out with me and try to tells people that I am a freaky woman.. yup, and there is how I look at people and learn how to be strong and independence.. At the end of my primary school, my teacher ask the whole class what is the best childhood memories you have in primary school? Most of them said, hanging out with classmates, PJK when they playing around, chit-chatting with friends in class... etc then they start crying and said that they don't wanted to leave their best pal in school.. but when it is my turn, I said "the best childhood memories i have is to left this school.." everybody were shocked, they look at me as if i were a freak again.. then turn back...

But to my family, they always think that I have a great childhood in school.. They always think that I am good in social and easy to get along with friends... Cause every time I went home, I put on a big smile =) Plus mother and father always busy working.. when they saw me smile like that.. they don't even worried bout me and left to work with a big smile too ^_^... but the reason I have a big smile in front of them is because that I knew I am home, which I can left that school, those people who thinks I am a totally freak..

No matter what i did back then, they always ignore.. But one thing they remember is how bad I am back then.. From there, I understands people wont remember how good you are to them but how bad you are appears in front of them.. But this wont apply on every people.. I realize this when i was Form 4, before that all the people I met just trying to change me in to what they wanted me to be or talk at me in order for them to have subject to talk and laugh about with friends. For me, if is in the past I sure cursing them and hating them.. but now, the hatred and anger I had for those who ignore or back stab at me have gone.

I always told myself, people who do bad things on you, or even back stab on you, doesn't mean that you need to do the same thing to them too. What people think and said is their problem.. as long I didn't do anything bad to the others then that is fine. Because doing the same bad thing to them or to the others, aren't you just the same as them? If that so, then you should hate yourself more instead of them..

Primary school till my form 4, 10 years, I lived in horror, hatred, vengeful, even lied to everyone including my love ones.. all the negatives characteristic.. which makes my family worried bout me a lot.. yea.. but come to think of it, the only reason i can thought of is because I wanted to protect myself towards those people who always wanted to trick me every minute in school.. or even wanted people to notice where I am back then..

Now, this feeling is back and I think it happen since sem3 start... I kinda scared.. Cause I don't wanted to be the one I am back then.. that person back then is not a freak but a jerk.. a freakin jerk.. A jerk who tries to be the best in front of every people.. the person who always scared what is going to happen next.. the person who tries to be the one who people wanted her to be.. the person who sad and emo on every words people said... >< I don wan arr>

你，替我加油加油，好吗？

相信，我是那种会胡思乱想的女孩。。但也亲幸，这个胡思乱想的女孩睡醒了，虽然还回来在床上几分钟，但最后她还是会从自己甜美的美梦中和睡得很舒服的暖床爬起身来，离开。。

曾经，这女孩发过很多个相同的梦，梦里是她在不停的追逐者某些她渴望的东西。。但结果，都空手而醒。。

后来，这女孩很幸运的，发了她梦寐以求的梦。。但她却很想快点醒来。。回到现实。。
这女孩，可说是我内深深处的人吧。。经历了，就懂得一些不曾懂得的道理。。跌倒了，就懂得不知是爬起来那么的简单。。痛，伤，悲，哭。。这四种情绪，我都收藏留给那个女孩了。。没有那个必要再把它给那出来。。过去的，都只是过去。。明天的，才是我所期待的。。

守护着我的人，爱着我的人，呵护我的人，甚至，我错过的人，我暗恋的人，我恨过的人。。这些这些。。我都不知该用什么来形容我对他们的感受才最为贴切。。

可能，我真的很笨吧？在人面前嬉笑的我，在人背后独自的我。。看来就只有某些人，和我最为了解。。有些，会以为我是个怎样怎样子的人，可能之前我会很在意地说你们看错了。。但现在，无论我是沉默或是辩护，已经标号我是个怎样子的人相信他们都不愿意听进任何一句我想说的话。。除了那些，信任，呵护，守护，爱着我的人才会愿意打开他们的耳朵用百分之百的心去听。。

那些呵护我的男性朋友们，从前的我会想入非非，会想用爱来把你们给占为己有。。但，我发觉保留着现在的感觉，友谊的关系才是我想要的。。大家的欢乐，悲哀都能一一的，毫无保留的分享。。才是对你们和我最幸福的关系了。。

做梦的女孩，留着一大堆的伤悲，回到了现实，就该学会知足就好。。爱情，这个梦寐以求的梦真的那么重要？还是，在现实及纯朴又可贵的友谊才是最重要？

爱，他要来时，你抵挡不住。。他不来时，你在努力也只是浪费心机。。随缘吧 XD
就替我加油加油吧~~

the one that never online, ade online

It's been a long time that I didn't feel this way..

After he, I really almost collapse.. almost turn to a person I don't even recognize. the one that smiles no matter what happens to her. The one that always cheer people up no matter who she met. The one who advice people and always said "take care". When he comes in to my life, all these gone.. but I am happy that he had really gone. Which the one I know had return after he.. ^^

Recently met a lot of annoying people..
1. Taiwan kia: who just met me for 2/3 days then said I love you, can you become my gf? Can you be mine? can you come to Taiwan live with me? =.=lllllll
2. 15 yrs old kid: keep on spam my chat box and msn every time i on.. and ask for money.. =.=lllll
3. Sekinchang guy: donno how he get my number.. keep on call call call and kacau.. and said i wan to know you, i miss you, can talk ar? can give me some leng lui number ar?

But last time even geng:
1. an engineer: always kacau me in fb and say those 18++ stuff... =.=llllll
2. A married guy: Always ask can I meet you up? wanted to have me as..... =.=lllllll
3. A 10 yrs old kid: Keep on scold me like rubbish... =.=llll
4. A 8 yrs old kid: Who wanted to pretend he is 30++ and said a lot of stupid stuff..

But there are also great/ cute people I met online too, which really makes me feel warm and touch..
1. Carol: Although hmmm.. in the middle... but really sorry.. and thank you for making me realize and learn that much muacks XD

2. Kenan: full name still cant rmb arr.. XD hahaha XD haha this person ar... have a very cute personality XD
3. pikachu didi : haha XD this lil bro... ga cute nia XD
4. E ring: a girl who also teach me alot.. although we din chat much but.. she really light up a lot of things..
5. Micheal: this stupid guy... XD don get yourself any problems again k


haha Arigato~~ for the great ones who I met...
And for those who are annoying.. get lost please XD

XD

今年真的遇到很多让我莫名其妙的事。。。
1。莫名其妙的，昨天有人和我表白。。>
2。莫名其妙的，碰到两个人三次。。谈了几句。。就这样。。=。=
3。莫名其妙的，给我遇到非洲人搭讪，说要做朋友，要拿联络电话。。>

4。莫名其妙的，多了五个炸弹一直不停地在学校“炸”我。。XD 哈哈~~^^
5。莫名其妙的事还有很多。。但我都忘了。。哈哈
6。莫名其妙的我，回来了~~
哈哈哈哈~~XD

Negative had gone~~ possitive in, for me~~

When the day were gone, and slowly the night fades in.. And this is when everyone take off their disguise and be themselves.. After college, school, work... bath and dinner... When u are all alone sitting in front of ur desk, facing ur assignment, home work, work, or even ur blog, facebook, diary, tweeter.. There is no need for you to wear that stupid mask u wear all day long.. And this is when i get to know some of my best friends..

When night comes in, people get to think more than they usually did.. "What i did today?" "What should i do next?" "What does she/ he means just now?" "Tomorrow will be my lucky/ bad day?".. yup... people get to think the past, memories towards theirs love one..

This is also when negative thoughts comes in...cause when you are alone, you will think according to your own style.. which all the positive sides will be taken away~~ It always fades away with the day~~ Especially the sad part.. @.@!! your ex and what ever friend who betrayed you before.. >


But now I found it okay to go across these negative emo night~~ CHAT and WORK~~ which makes me feel better XD although mom always scold me when she spot me chatting while working on the assignment.. But I didn't  talk back or fight back anymore.. somehow I feel warm that she scolded me like that.. A care that 've been ignore for long.. now I feels the warmness from the words she scolded.. ^^

to all friends who always spend negative emo nights, try use another angle to look at your situation and be open minded~~ things might turn out more than you expected^^

不那么瞩目的我，看得开/看不开？

从小，我都是那不那么瞩目的同学，不出名，不讨喜，可说是个还蛮自闭的学生。

在家里，家人和亲戚朋友们都看我是那种既开朗又无心机的小朋友。。很容易交朋友，也很容易适应一个新的环境。。

在小学期间，刚入学的我看到的全是巨大的人。。
一年级，遇到了我仰慕的人，却被他耍得团团转。
二年级，遇到了恶霸来讨钱，我吓得连家都不敢回。
三年级，遇到了三位“好朋友”，逼我留在他们身边来做些让人讨厌的事。
四年级，模糊的一年，可说是我人生最阴暗的一年吧。
五年级，那三位“好朋友”，在我背地里说了很多让全班的人都杯葛我。
六年级，我人生的转折点，像遇到了天使一样，她让我开朗起来敢面对每一个人。
初中一，遇到了我的初恋，但却不明不白的过了这年。
初中二，遇到了我人生的瓶颈，也让我学会朋友的价值。
初中三，终于和我初恋在一起，但也在这一年分散了。
高一，遇到让我能信任的人，人生好像又有目标似的。
高二，分离，大家都散了。。
后来，大家都各做各的。。也没什么联络。。
sem1term1，在一群"疯疯癫癫"的同学们里扮演着静思者。
sem1term2，发生了大气的时间，有些人散了。
sem2，散了散了。。剩一些。。
sem3，wa。。寥寥无几。。
sem4，事变，背地里的事太多。。剩能信任的了^^
sem5，日久见人心，谁是鬼谁是人。。都看在眼里

怎么来总结呢？哈哈XD我的blog很可能没人来看，也可能没人关心。。但我还是会不停的post我的心情吧。。反正，我也被忽略到我都麻木了。。人不一定要成名才是对得了自己，才是成功。。不管你多出名，若没人真正的了解你。。多么的可怜。。 没了你能倾诉的对象是多么的辛苦。。朋友，家人，情人。。我在去年2010都拥有很多，也失去很多。。现在。。你若说我看开了，看透了？其实不然。。但你又说我看不开？还会对以前的事很伤心？那又未必。。哈哈 XD

Sorry is not that I can't, but I don't want

Is not that I can't forget some one.. is just that I don't want to forget..
Is not that I can't understands what you trying to said, is just that I don't want to forget what I did wrong by remembering someone..

I wanted to be strong, but somehow the sorrow and the things I did with "someone" already become a routine for me.. Although at the end, we can't walk through life together.. but I'll bet time can help me to forget certain things.. But as for now.. I just wanted to remember how hurt it is.. just to reminds me not to fall into the same trap again..

I don't know the things I doing now is stupid or clever.. at least I am learning in progress.. So, sorry is that I can't do the things you want me to do, is just that I have my way to settle my things..Which I feel better..

I am not popular among people, but I dare to talk and make fun.. Some said that I am optimistic but some said I and emo.. no matter what they said.. I know that it depends.. I will be crazy at this moment, and I can be depressed after.. Who wont be emo? who wont be happy? and who wont be touch by someone?

ps: don't really know why I type these all.. but as for now.. I try/do things slowly, carefully... but still i am who i am^^

愚人节前一天的旅程

今天是有史以来让我感触最多的一天。。

像平常，我依然早上到了学校就去mamak坐下来点早餐吃。。然后开始胡思乱想。。看着对面空空的座位。。曾经有个很大很大的影子在。。到了现在，还是有点不习惯。。现在有了个怪习惯，就是坐或站在lrt或巴士都会很自然的把头靠在窗口。。可能是习惯了那肩膀吧。。但直到事情演变成现在的状况。。那些所谓的习惯，可能是自己在他身边的那时太过纵容自己靠在他的肩膀，习惯了他的背影。。但他的人就别提了。。

后来，两位“老婆”一个接着一个来到mamak。。我们也开始讨论起课业上的问题了。。讨论这，讨论那。。然后就开始慢慢吃自己的早餐，而我当时也在想。。有他们真的好好。。所以也特别珍惜。。

之后，我们读着某某人的部落格。。读着读着，慢慢的，讨论起学校来。。XD 后来，就说起小时候的我们。。也让我想起了小时那天真无邪时的快乐。。无忧无虑的生活着每一天。。而现在的我们要防这个人，要防那个人的。。又要给人家看你不爽，又要看人脸色，还要给人面子。。听起来好像没有一个是好东西。。小时，无忧无虑，大时，多多禁忌，到处陷阱的。。对别人来说可能他们想回去小时候吧。。但对我而言，虽然大时有很多限制，很多陷阱。。但同时我们吸收的，学到的，看到的，领悟到的，是在书上，学校，家里，在家人保护下的情况所学不到的。。

接着我们也谈起了自己对爱情的看法和原则。。她们的。。我听了后消化了许多。。但若你问我。。对爱情有任何原则？看法？我会傻傻的愣在那里。。硬逼我说，我也只会口吃，词穷。。一句话也说不出。。回了家仔细的去想，才发现。。我对爱情其实就像小孩对外面的世界一样，充满幻想。。当我喜欢或爱上一个人，管他主动或被动的，若是点燃了。。直接表白之类的。。但后来，要如何维持一段恋情，要和他说些什么？要和他做些什么？才能维持？一片空白。。现在我才明白，爱情是个很深奥的一个学问。。有人会因为爱情而疯狂，有人会翻脸，有人甚至会做出意想不到的事。。我呢，会为爱情怎样呢？

吃完了，也谈了整整一小时。。终于回到学校开工大吉。。 后来还去请教了我们敬爱的老师，才发现我们还是忽略了很多很多的因素。。很多很多的重点，统统忘了。。领悟了。。也醒觉了。。修改后，我们也开始了我们的会议。。才发现新来的那个学生。。其实并不是我想象的人嘛。。平时看他不说话的，意见，提议倒是蛮多的。。叫他做的东西。。也做到。。^^ 看他静静的。。讲笑起来还算可以的啊。。但为什么，就觉得他有些孤僻。。>


谈完了，我们就去了empire gallery 那里找些灵感~~果然找到了^^还蛮开心的^^但到了回家时，就怕怕了。。今天，我想妈妈撒了谎。。说我和一大半人在等巴士。。其实是自己一个人搭巴士回。。（不要她担心嘛XD）等了很久。。终于，等到了。。 好开心得狂奔过去。。排队上巴士。。^^在巴士上，他所播放的音乐。。都好悲哀，好悲伤。。坐在我旁边的男生。。好像感触蛮多的。。脸上不时有种不舍的神情。。他的伤心，好像毫不保留的表露出来。。却好像没人发现似的。。有的聊天，有的打game，有的打电话，有的在发送讯息，睡觉，发呆。。我和他好像顿时想起一些不快乐的往事。。听到了jonas brother- when you look me in the eyes.. 都异口同声的吟唱起那曾经流行一时的歌曲。。

后来，我们都捆了。。想必大家都捆了，听着那抒情的情歌。。在那个下午，太阳投射的光线，有些想躲，有些则不理会。。那阳光的温度，那抒情的歌曲，在那忽静忽吵得巴士里。。睡得望了仪态的大婶，谈得开心得两位年轻人，打着game的那位仁兄，发呆的每一位，和那一脸忧伤的男生，都在等待又或者着急着要下车。。下了车，是否有那么的一个人在那里等待？是否要自行回到家？是否要和朋友道别，分道扬镳？

又会在哪一个站，有那么的一个人等待，接送“我”，“你”，“他”呢？