Find out something and makes me keep on guessing... i should ask for the answer.. but i cant even speak it out... how am i suppose to ask?
This makes me crazy...>< i can't think normally... i can't even react on it properly... and how am i suppose to face it?
Sad and moody.. keep on thinking that sure got somethings is on... but then after a few seconds i keep on telling myself is nothing... just that i think too much...><
Hey teach me what to do... should i ask? or not to ask?
ask jor.. sure got many problems come out... then the relationship might be.......
if don ask... i will just keep guessing... so the pain and suffering will only lies on me...

since things turn out like dis.. keeping it for so long... then just let me keep it la....
at least the one involve will not get hurt... and since i am tough.. i can stand it.. no worries~~

emoing...
no mood now..
every time when i was down.. i will always refer back to my blog..
(so i hope i never wanted to sign in my blog?)

why you are the one who started it and all the things blame back to me?
why things that you want you always must get it?
why you get mad at people when they want you to explain it?
why when you are down or start cry you sure have company to back up?
why? i am that useless to you?
why u hate me that much?
why you always thinks i am the wrong?
what ever things happen.. the one who to blame is me?
then why cant i fight back when you predict me was all wrong?
why i needed you, you always let me down?
why i said one thing you come yell at me that i was wrong?
why i found a thing to make me at least be happy a bit.. you forbidden it?
why you always said i had already change?
why you said that i am useless?
am i... ?
that wat i am?
why u bring me to here? in this world?
since from young u never think i did right..
since young i was always the last..
i am the naughty one..
i am the trouble maker..
is not like i blaming you... coz i know i am too...
but useless... i never thought it will come from ur mouth..
i never thought u thought me is useless...
now i know..
it hurts but thanks for telling me how useless i am...

Merry Christmas to all^^

fav quotes

1. Nothing is impossible, the only thing that is impossible is when you think it is.
2. Only time is capable to know how valuable love is.
3. Wise people can be wrong, fool's idea can be brilliant.
4. Don't ever follow what people said before you think.
5. You are the most unique person in the world.
6. Laziness defeat everything.
7. Are you tired? Yes, then welcome to reality.
8. Life is like a roller coaster, it goes up and down.
9. Everybody deserve love, jealousy kills everything.
10. Don't ever judge a book by it's cover.

xixi^^ no offends just speak out my mind~~

心静下来，大家之前看的和现在看的其实都是一样，都是会有差别。。
脚步停下，吸收的比那些跑得快的来得多，来得广。。

永远，真的很远？还是很近？
有些相信，有些选择不信。。
有些说永远是不会发生在这个现实世界，它只会在童话世界。。
以前的我。。我也是这样觉得。。
当时的我大概是害怕永远，所以才说他是不可能的。。
但现在，自己好像看多了。。
觉得，永远其实是无止境的。。
全都看你怎么看待它。。
永远能是一天，
它也能是一秒。。
只要你觉得值得，
只要你觉得是永远。。
那么那就是永远了。。

可能是我在谈恋爱，才这样觉得？
谈恋爱和这个是一点关系都没有。。
但我真的有时觉得很乱，这段恋情。。
因为，他很不同。。比起我以前的那些来说。。
真的很不同。。
所以我有一点不知所戳。。但我确定的是。。
他越不同,我越喜欢^^
paiseh paiseh nia~~ hahaha :P

why am i here, am i just wasting my time...

is all my fault.... isn't it?
For you who stand on your place....
Sure!! you are wrong!!! is all your fault!!!!

What if i tell you that i am sorry?
What for? you still do the same right? sorry for what? is useless...

I don't need you.....
I don't want you.....
Yes~~ i am worst enough for you to say that....
Yes~~~ i am worst enough for you to start fed up on me like that....
Yes~~
Yes i am...

I just wanted to do what i want.....
I just wanted to do what i wish for~~
But the things i wish for is always forbidden by you....
And every time i doing it... you will get mad and start mess up all the people around you....

I am naughty....
I am crazy.....
I am independent enough to take care of myself already....
I want to break free...
but you won't let me...
When i can?
I can't always stay with you always.....
I know i sounds bad or even worst....
I know i hurts you in a way....
but this is what i wanted.... what i wish for....
which is the things that is forbidden.....

I am lost... in a way.... can't really seems to find a way out... too many things run through my mind...
I won't complain, i won't speak it out... cause it will cause you nothing else but trouble...
and that is why you see how emo i am today...
I am the girl that won't shows how sad or how anger i am in front of everybody....
But you...slowly... maybe... i can...
don't know why... slowly you change everything...
I use to scared the lif... but then now i don't scare it anymore...
I use to hide... not to show...
indeed... i am still the same...
every laughter i made... it seems like hiding something...
every move that i take...
I'll take it carefully...
sensitive...
yes i am...
think too much....
yes i am...
hide too much...
yes i am...
can't really express myself in front of people....
yes i am....

i don't really understand myself....

don't know y these days... my feelings goes up till the highest point and i cant even reach it... but after that it goes falls down to the bottom.... and it is hurt....
But then i decided to climb up back to the highest point... but it will fall down again and again... no matter how hard i try... it just can't remain the same....

Suddenly i feel touch by the others.. because of what they did to me... and i feel like i am one of it... but out of a sudden... i've been avoided by them... the ones i use to be familiar with.... the one i use to love... y out of a sudden... all seems to be change? am i the problem of all of this? or you think that i have change and is not the one that you familiar with... so that you don't like?

To be honest... the more you treat me that way... i treat you back and i feel guilty for it... am i really change? change to be someone who is worst enough to make you fed up on me? why........ i ..... am? am i really?

I don't know... i don't even know what are you thinking.. things that i am not familiar with... and things i familiar with... are all change... but is it they change? or i am the one who change?
I really love this place... and where i stand from the past till now... but... now... it seems to be... i am lost.... i am not a part in it.... am i?

If my heart was meant to be hurt... i rather use a knife and slice it myself...
If you are meant to be mine... then i will keep u forever...
If i am the one who meant to hurt someone... then i rather that person use a knife and slice me painfully...
If i am the one who not belongs to here... then i will leave and find my place...
If you started to forget my appearance.... then let it be.. coz no matter wat i do i cant recall u...
If i really wanted to plan to hurt you... i plan it nicely... without you notice...
If i really that bad.. then u should be the police and sentence me to death...
If tomorrow is the end of my life... at least i died when i am 19...

My heart hurts... pain... and my eyes is bleeding (tears not blood)... the way you treat me... reflect how bad i did to you... is it all my fault that things turns out like this? Am i awful enough to make you cry for me? but all i know is the awful way u had treated me... i cant forget nor ignore... it hurts... and is painful enough for me to cry all bout it..... i cant hate but i need to accept it... things goes round... whatever u do on the others... the others will do de same on you...

Here again... i am awful... super awful...i am bad... i am a jerk... i am ntg but evil...><

i am awful

 for all de time.... i thought wat u said is right and is for my own good... and i keep on ignore it... and i feel bad of it sometimes... but now... the only thing i feel bad on you is because i didn't give enough time for u... and one thing is that all u predicted... all u think is wrong.. and it some how influence me... now i see things clearly... i know wat i am doing... and wat i should do...

i am awful... but yet... i will whack myself.. and wake myself up... so no worries... i will treat u well... and so do myself and de one i love.. i wont be influence by anything easily now... coz i see things clear now.. u might think i am blur and stupid.. but here i am proudly to say that i am not^^ i love you.. and so do you... i love all de ppl around me that do the same on me too..

I cant... reli cant... i cant ignore you... yet i cant hate you...  First you said that he is no good for me... but as time goes by you started to like him too.. then you said she is a big torn for me... but then time again proves that she has no reason to attack me.. and she wont attack me nor harm me... next you said that that girl is going to be another torn to me... and called me to avoid her.. or just give up coz i cant even beat her... But then she too has nothing to do with me... we had been best friend for a long time... i know her well and so do she... 

You are a bit over rated yourself by predicted at people.... whatever people did..  you will think that they up to something... but is time for me to tell you... i wont listen ... and yet i wont be influence by it... but i will take it as an advice from u... coz now... i know how to look at people... u might be right... and wrong too... but i rather follow my instinct or the sound inside my heart... no matter if i am wrong or right... i am ready for it...

To: another you...

i love you... and sorry for everything that i do to you... i am awful... because of me u broke up with her... u said is the matter of time... so don't feel bad of it... but i cant... coz i am the one who makes her cry... although i don't know she cried because of it annot... but as for a girl... if i met a situation like this i will cry like hell and curse on the guy... i am so sorry.... she trusted you... so much... and i had spoil both of ur relationship.... i screw things up... and i don't know what to do about it... coz this is a long time ago... things that had been done is done.. i can't change anything... but yet... i feel guilty and i am here to say that i am sorry... all i can do is to say sorry... although it wont help... and is late for me to said this...

i am sorry for you to feel bad that time... when i confess to you how u feel is in a big mess.. i am sorry because i had screw up both of ur relationship... i am sorry that i make u feel that u are awful... by ur face.. i see de sadness and miserable.... and i don't wanted to see that again... i will try my best to make u feel that u are the chosen one and the only one to me... coz i cant let it go and i cant ignore all ur feelings...>< can say like u are one part of me now...>< lol....><

24條暖暖的友情，你想起了誰。 （朋友會是一輩子的吧 ）

1、不管多久没見面 我們彼此都还是老樣子.脾气差 說話大聲 不注意儀表可是 永遠笑的那麼開心 所谓的好朋友就是这樣 無論从哪里活多久敢過來 不尴尬 很輕鬆自然 我心疼你 你的眼淚淋湿了我的心 真的 記得有個人為你心疼

2、我们是彼此嫉妒 却共同進步的伙伴。

3、是你 浪费在我身上的時間 让我變得珍贵

4、我的青春有了你，沒有愛情也甜蜜！

5、所有人都說我很坚强，只有你劝我别逞强~

6、不管愛情,还是友情,终极的目的不是归宿,而是理解,默契---是要找一个可以邊走边談的人.無論什麽時候,怎樣的心情

7、在最窝囊和无助的时候，能够懂你、耐心地和你说话，并且用真实的情感安慰你的人。在现实的生活中，哪怕有一个这样的人也不容易。

8、 你经历那么多的人 聚聚散散 分分合合 以后还会有 但是你要记得 最后留下的 永远都是我

9、爱情如花，友情如酒，花开一阵，酒香一生。

10、请记得，好朋友的定义是：你混的好，她打心眼里为你开心；你混的不好，她由衷的为你着急。

11、.你知道那个男人如果对你不好我会怎么对他的。 别哭了，再哭我也要哭了。 实在不行就哭吧，哭完我们去吃自助。 哭完了?这下好了吧，自助餐厅关门了。

12、朋友就是把你看透了，还能喜欢你的人

13、你，是世界上的另一个我。

14、你.你们.是我此生最美的风景...

15 、朋友总是为你挡风遮雨,如果你在远方承受风雪,而我无能为力,我也会祈祷,让那些风雪降临在我的身上。

16、我愿意用一份刻骨铭心的爱情换取我们一份细水长流的友情

17、好朋友就是在一起的时候即使都不说话都不会觉得尴尬

18、我知道你會做我的掩护 當我是个逃兵

19、一个眼神就能了解我的全部。 言未说 泪先流 比自己更爱我

20、爱情是灯，友情是影子，当灯灭了，你会发现你的周围都是影子。朋友，是在最后可以给你力量的人。

21、知道你的自卑，知道你的辛酸，知道别人不知道的你，当你难过泪流满面的时候在你身旁抱着你说没关系的没关系的我还在呢？然后你可以更肆无忌惮地哭肆无忌惮地流泪然后酣睡在她怀里

22、别人都问我飞的高不高 只有你问我飞的累不累

23、朋友是唯一 一面骂你一面为你擦眼泪的角色。

24、毕业前夕, 就要各奔东西, 相隔那么远不知道什么时候才能再见, 　　你坐在窗前, 背对着我说, 也许我一辈子都不会再遇到像你一样的人了...　　我急忙擦眼睛怕眼泪掉下来被你笑话, 不过我现在真的和你想的一样..

想和你做一生一世这样的朋友，想拥有一生一世都不变质的友谊，因为我们是朋友，

所以......请珍惜~~~~~~~~~~~~

——其实朋友就是这样 无需想起 因为 从未忘记...........我的朋友 爱你........

i see just a yellow lemon tree....

I'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy Saturday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
Although I got lots to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree

I'm sitting here
I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired
Put myself into bed
Well, nothing ever happens and I wonder

Isolation is not good for me
Isolation I don't want to sit on the lemon-tree

I'm steppin' around in the desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy
And everything will happen and you wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon-tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon-tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how
I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see, and all that I can see
Is just a yellow lemon-tree 

><

i am proudly to say that... now i am sick>< =.=llll

loving you~~~

Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is all i wanna do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
And everything that i do is out of lovin' you
La la la la la la la.~~~~~~~~~~

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old

And we will live each day in springtime
Cause lovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day my life is filled with lovin' you

Lovin' you i see your soul come shinin' through
And every time that we oooooh
I'm more in love with you
La la la la la la la~~~~~~~~~~~

STOP!!! AND.....

stop crying there at the corner!!! stand up and do what you should do!!!
Stop being lazy facing the comp!!! go wash your face and go back to your work!!!
Stop looking at facebook and wondering what to do next!!! close it and open ur ai instead!!!
Stop blank out your mind and your head!!! go get some fresh air and think of something!!!
Stop sleeping and yawning!!! go whack your head on the table and back to your work!!!

hate standing alone and facing thousands of people...

Since when i feel like i am not the one i am anymore? It seems like.. i can't be as peace as i use to be, every time when i think of you.. my world start to clash.. and is like all up-side-down...
I can't be myself... Am I that kind of person who can be affected by a person that easily?

Did you notice?
Did you care?
Did you worried?
Did you sad coz of me?
Did you ever felt lost when you are with me?
Am i important to you?
Am i look that stupid to you?
Am i that kind of person u think i am?
Am i cheap to you, until u think that u can do anything on me or i can give you everything you want?
Did you see me that important? or you see yourself more important?
Did you ever betrayed me?
Did you ever lie to me?
What am i to you anyways?
Am i that annoying to you?

Is the matter of time... You will leave meh? No lo... you will drunk yourself and start scold me~~
I am glad that you feel that way~~ reli? gud kk u take care~~thx u 2~~where is my baby? lao po~~ stupid...
@##$!@#!@#$ ft la u...

all the words that you said... i remember every single of it.. you will do that? I don't know~~ but one thing i know that.. it seems like i give out more.. and i can't seems to lose you... but you are like with or without me is nothing one~~ it seems like i am just a girl that you need by ur side when u are lonely...

Am i think too much? or is this the truth? am i really that important to you? i start to get confuse and blank... I donno wat is up nxt.. and when it ends... this sorrow of mine~~ this lonely of mine start to eating me up... and somehow... it is like a flood and try to taking me down.. i am drowning.. and crying...

you notice it?
you know bout it?
you understand it?

I've been living like this... for thousands of years already... i thought that i can handle it well and nicely..  but when i think of that i can't even rely on anyone.. i can't count on anyone... i can't get help by anyone out there.. i will just bang my head onto anything hard... and start cry... is like my weird habit ade.. after cry.. i will just fall back to the same pattern...

Is not that my families can't help...they can!!!  just that when i need help at the society.. they can't help...
Is not also my friends can't help oso.. they can!!! but when come to personal things and feelings... how they help?
And i thought that my love can help... but just that i am the one who always hold back and scared to say it out..... Sometimes i really wish that he can open up my heart and let me speak it out loud... but not to bang my head on any other things and cry... but up till now....

Don't feel anything ade...>< but still feel sorry for it...>< alamak....>< sorry....><

ANGRY!!!!

Don't pay attention to this... if you vomit...don't blame me =,=lll

[38 bobonut] Things I wanted to say for so long...
1. every time i see u.. i get lost and lost inside ur world... don;t know why i can;t seems to find the way out... and i don't wanted to get myself out of this anymore^^
2. some words u said, to be honest... i can't listen... either you are too fast... or i am lost inside u again ^^
3. every time we touch... my face straight away turn red jor le...
4. Why u can make my face red anytime wan....><
5. You ask me, "why you pick me?" "I don't know^^" u don believe... but is true u know.. i don't know...
6. The more I count out your bad habit.. the more i fall into it...
7. you don't have the looks, me also ^^ but i am those ppl who don care bout looks de oh [u don't know le~~]^^
8. Thanks for listening to all my rubbish... i appreciated it so much^^ when u gonna tell me ur rubbish?
9. Don't copy me k>< copy cat :p
10. Sometimes I really don't know how to react in front of you... that is why I "lalalala" and look at you quietly~~
11. I always stare at you without you noticing le~~^^
12. I....I...I.... sked....sked... drunk in front you jor... but i still do it de le~~ ^^
13. I...I....I.... sked... sked... sked... sleep next to you le~~>< [paiseh paiseh]
14. I got take ur photo before le~~ u donno le~~ wakakakaka^^
15. I want to kill you and chop you into pieces and throw into longkang~~ ahahaha^^ is all joking k^^ hehe
16. you made me mad and pissed off sometimes u know~~ :'(
17. you.... don't know how to eat chicken~~ lalala~~
18. come i peal it for u... want? hahaa^^ [paiseh paiseh again]
19. You are the charger for me, every time my bat died~~
20. Wake up la~~ sleepy head~~^^ love you^^ hehe

no matter what happens i still love you all k...

I don't wanted to lost anyone of you..

Coz i don't  wanted to lose someone i care anymore...

family... sry for everything i did that make you all worry and angry...

friends... sorry for everything that i did that makes u all pissed off of me..

husky... sorry for everything that i did that makes u worried and angry too...

I am sorry and thanks for everything you gives me...

负面的情绪

知道你是想保护我，也知道你想护着我。。
    但也不是一直说他这里不好那里不好。。说他是花心的，喜欢一脚踏很多船。。这种东西，我也会问我自己，他会不会。。他是不是。。但我们又不是他。。只是纯碎的看他一眼。。只是听我说他的一举一动。。你就判他死刑了。。看死他是那种人。。你知道？你看到？你听到？还是你猜测？你以你的经验看一个人？
    你说：

“他干吗丢那么多钱在别人的身上而不是你？” 

“他一定是跟她有问题的。。” 

“她都变得那么性感了，你是斗不过的。。” 

“我不是看死他，可是他这样下去。。是死路一条的” 

“你那天有发觉他和她有什么不同吗？”

“就普通啊，能有什么？”

“你很笨的咯。。”

    你真的以为我会笨到不会去观察吗？毕竟我是跟他在一起eh。。你爱一个人有错？你信一个人有错？我能坦白的说，我对他还是有个防线的。。只是我不说。。你又知道吗？我笨？我能笨到哪里去？在你眼里，不论我做什么，你都觉得我是不懂事，鲁莽，笨拙，头脑简单。。难道这么多年了？你看不出我是个怎样的人？
    你又知不知道你的这句伤到我了？ 这是我的决定，你不能怎样。。所以才一直放那些难听的话给我听？贬低他，然后同时兜个圈子来说我笨？
    你的关心，我感受到，但你不觉得你用错方式了吗？说我少和你们在一起了。。我承认。。是的。。我也开始关心啊。。可是你们又放话给我听。。
    妈的！！你是要我变回以前的我吗？
    问你们，这是什么。。你们就说。。

“你懂meh？” 

“讲了，你都不上心的啦” 

“你能给点心在我们身上吗？” 

“你能不能不要搞自闭？” 

“你没其它东西做了吗？只对着电脑。。” 

      当我想关心你们的时候，你们有要让我关心吗？ 不是说我没放你们在心上。。就说我一天到晚都不见人。。
   你知不知道你越来越过分？

“有时候，我真的不懂你的存在。。” 

“今天发生了一件很好笑的事情，有个auntie，问你妈妈。。你的大女儿呢？你知道你妈妈想回答什么吗？我都好像少了个女儿了。。哈哈哈哈哈哈” 

“不好笑。。”

“因为是你，你才觉得不好笑。。”

“你说我凶，你嘛跟凶。。” 

“我宁愿，你不在家”

这些这些。。我不会说是你们的错。。我的确是少了和你们沟通，玩耍，谈心。。
但你也要拆掉你们的防线，我才能再度或重新的和你们和好啊。。
说真的你们的一举一动，我会嫉妒，我会伤心，我会担心，我会觉得我坏，我会被逼疯。。

很想打出来很久了

赢了全世界，却过不了自己。。
看了来来去去的人，始终都看不上一个人。。
千挑万选，还不是辛苦了自己。。
注重外表，
心地好的，愿意付出真心的，还不是一样错过了。。
终于有个，智投相合的，但还不是伤了自己。。
终于决定放了，才发现身边有个自己梦寐以求的。。。
于是默默的付出，想表白却又不敢。。
被别人看穿了，就开始被他们酸，
酸了却又很开心，应为他们了解你的心。。
唯独她，还不知。。默默付出了两年，结果？
新的人进入了这场游戏，开始担心，因为他在慢慢的迈进。。
无可否认，你对他一点都不了解，一概不懂的你，当然会探讨他。。

她，只想专心。。不想做那么多或发生那么多的事情。。
你，想用关心，慢慢的付出。。希望迟早有一天会有好的结局。。
他，却被她吸引住了。。但是他清楚是不可能的，所以纯碎欣赏。。

解释等于掩饰~~哈哈

看你不顺眼的人，任你真么解释，他们都听不进去的~~不信你的人，你的解释是废的~~相信你的人，是不用你解释的。。 终结:解释是不必要的 

^w^ 

so... let it be... idk

idk anymore, is their life than let it be...

is their decision... then let it be.....

i have no right to comment nor fight back...

and I don't even wanted to get involve in their madness and craziness.....

That is it... tata... I live my own and you live urs..

just don't come across.. and don't hurt the one that i protect....

then is fine...><

so long and take care... tata...

no.200 post^^

Finally is my 200th post in this blog...
^^ just wanna to say that i keep on blogging until this...haha^^
(malas sangat...tak buat kerja pergi blogging)
haha^^

I had peoples who just teach me a lot of things^^ and thanks to them i learn and earn a lot^^
I know that even though there are some people who hates me or back stab on me just ignore them... cause you can't do anything..
I know that somehow you no need to change yourself into another person just to be like the one that a person wants you to be...
I also know that no matter how hard life is... you still need to live it...
I also knows that is right to protect yourself... but is wrong for you to hurt yourself...
I know that drink is not good... (later you will tell everything to someone....)
XD

And somehow... i wanted to thanks to the people who loves me and care for me ^^
My family.. sorry for worrying me so much... I am fine and i will take good care of myself^^
My lao po~~ ying and mei mei (suh mei) thanks for being there when i need you^^ and sorry i always cabut diri...>< and less pui u 2><
Thanks many people who give me support^^
just wanted to say... i like what and where i am... and thanks for all~~

Somehow, I know you will be there for me always^^

hhaha^^ this blog now look more like a random diary to me...
No matter what happens on me... I just wrote it down here...><
hahaha^^ almost everyday i am blogging now.....
^^anyways...
All I wanted to say...
No matter what happens on me...
No matter how things turning out badly...
I still have a great gang...
Who loves me and appreciated me
Who take cares of me^^
Who always support me^^
And make me feel bless~~
My family~~^^
My friends~~^^
And you^^hehehe
^^ thx thx^^
and love you all^^

2010

Don't know why... Somehow feels like this year...2010... is like an endless roller coaster ride to me... when the roller coaster starts, it will slowly climb up to the peak then will come down as fast as possible... there might have loops and went up to another peak again... but then it come down again...

At the beginning of the year, I was so happy that my friends are so good to me ^^ and i feel bless too^^

But then later he comes in and gives me a good memory and then break it all.... (and now we are together^^)

Later, I thought this is going to an end to me... end up like happily ever after.... suddenly.. I heard of rumors... and bad news.... family.... friends..... education..... and many more....

Personally, I really don't know how to deal with all of it once at a time... and I always get stuck and lack of motivation to continue of something...

Last time, no matter how people said to me: "how stupid and naive you are.... how careless and blur you are...." I will just straight away ignore it... but now I will think of it and had change... but then somehow... i get myself into a mess... and people just keep on telling me that... (before this..don't you see that i can handle something on my own?)

Now.. I think many things has change... I am not the me from the pass... really... i can feel that way somehow...but don't you feel the same way? or should i say... did you ever noticed it?

Now I also realize, people mind set really is "SET" already... is hard to change... cause people believe in what they see... and people is hard to accept a new things... for me I am TOO...

haizzzz

很努力的告诉自己。。别放在心上。。
但你要叫我如何不能不放在心上？

你叫我别投入整个心进去。。
但你又叫我如何做呢？

你叫我要小心。。
你叫我要注意。。
你叫我去挑他毛病。。
但谁又没有毛病呢？

你告诉我，他很关心我。。
他担心我。。
他觉得我变得不跟他说任何事情了。。。
他觉得我离他越来越远了。。
无可否认。。
我的确少和他说话了。。
我的却有点。。。
我也觉得有点对不起他。。
但就是不知道要怎样面对他。。
他是我最亲的人。。
也是我最陌生的。。
对不起，我不好。。
对不起，未能保护你反而伤了你。。
讲是没用的。。
这点我很清楚。。

is worth it, that's why

If you got the chance to choose, you waiting for a thing that will take you a thousands years to wait but it is worth it^^ or you take a sec just to have that thing but is not that precious to you...

I think for me... these questions always comes into my mind... Either one option you choose one...
But then got one guy come and ask... what for need to so suffer thinking? If you want both so much go take both la...
But then another one come and tell me... What for you want to think? deeply in your heart sure know which is the one that you want..

Some wants both like some people in this world wants everything...
Some don't know which one to choose... maybe is because scared to lose another ones?
Some people clearly know what they wants... and will go for it..

So if you ask me again...
Why you wanted to wait for a thing that takes long time to have it....
I will just answer..
This is what I choose, no matter how long it takes.. no matter how many challenge out there blocking my way... I won't give up that easily on it...
Cause now I know the thing that you decided to wait for it... must be the thing that you wanted for so long and you will think that it is worth it...

ps: to the ones that had comment on what people decided to choose... sometimes u give advise is enough ade... don't cross over the line... it will just cause more trouble jer... ni ka wa diam diam la....

Finally for the first time i go for a party...
("young adult party" not "kids birthday party"... i go for those thousands of times >o< )
hahaha^^
but a bit scared is that it is a Halloween party...
Which makes me wanted to chicken out~~ hahaha
Haiyo...
Have fun lo~~ all i can say~~ ^^

10 kinds of ppl that i met^^

did you met these kind of people before?
1. The one who act so friendly in front of you, but then keep on back stab on your back
    I met this many many times already... the only way to deal with them is ignore..
2. The one who say he/she loves you forever, but at the end he/she is the one who decided to leave you.
    Hate you!! haha^^ but wish you had a great life with them la^^ 
3. The one who scared to talk to you, because he/or she loves you^^
    ^^ hehehe to deal with them is to make they talk more^^
4. Te one who always talk crab..
    haha^^ talk crab back to them la^^
5. The one who always point out your mistakes.
    accept it and solve it^^ then say thx to them^^
6. The one who always take good care of you.
    thx very much^^ and be sure to take care of them oso^^
7. The one that always need your help^^
    ^^ donno y i feel happy to help the ppl who wants my help.. but sometimes... i need to do other things... and sorry that i ignore you all sometimes...
8. The one who need you to give advise.
    Glad to help^^
9. The one that help you out a lot..
    I appreciated it ^^ and thx a lot^^ love you^^
10. The one who always stand beside you no matter what happen^^
       I love you~~^^ love the ones who stand by my side always^^

happy birthday^^

happy birthday~~
hope friday can see you~~
miss you already lo~~
hahaha^^
nite nite^^

haha^^
today ling wei come and told me..
she so shy to look at my blog jor~~
haha^^
sry yea ling wei~~
^^
Me so shy too when u said that to me^^
I try not to spam so much of those on here^^ hahahaha^^
^^

Btw
happy birthday to safiyah^^ the only junior that i know well than the other junior...
and Happy birthday to husky~~^^
love you^^ wish you all de best^^

蔡健雅 - 無底洞MV

 

Do you ever listen to this song before?

The first time i "pak tor" and "sat lun" 

I listen to this and i cried out loud..

And this is when i love tanya's song so much^^

I cried when i listen to this...

Because that time i still cant forget my first...

But then for 5 years i keep listen to this...

The first year which is the year i pecah with him... i cried like i never had the chance to cry again...

The second year.. i cry because i miss he so much..

The third year.. is suddenly reminds me of him ....

The forth year.. is because of his present he gave me..

The fifth year... i throw it away.. and i cried again...

But then after these years... 

I listen back to this song

I still cry...

Just in the middle of june i think...

I cry coz of you!!!! not my first nor my ex.....

Si yeh....><

but then now i listen to it...

i still cry....

coz of my behavior...

since when i so stupid..

But then now i can say....

you are already stuck in my mind jor^^

And i cant seem to get you out...

hehehehe

ahahha^^ love the song ^^ a mei^^
I think less people listen to this...
I wanted to share on fb..
but hor....
the mv hor....
><
alamak... don dare lo....
so...
post on here^^ ahahha^^

張惠妹(阿密特)-相愛後動物感傷MV ps: under 18 cannot watch...

^^ these days....

The biggest problem i had right now is think too much...
>< i think, just every action you did i will think of something bad..
Since when i become like this?
Is it because i don't feel any secure from you?
Or i just scared to lose you?
I try to close my eyes and ears and pretend not to know anything...
Since when i ask you...
You sure can defense yourself...
Is it because you already plan what to do next after that?
Or you didn't did anything, only me who are crazy bout thinking of something...
Aiyo...
Aduhai...
I don't like like this lah...
That is why now..
i know i must stay away from all negative thinking and back the old me...
At least i will be happy that way...^^
That is why... I love you ^^
I love you all~~
I come here is for study!!
I come here is to have fun hang out with you guys^^
I in this family is because i am one of it..
I be with you is because you are the one i pick from thousand to love with^^
I am in this world..
I am me..
^^
and i want the people around me~~
feel happy too^^
So please don't cry~~
Please don sad or sigh...
Please don be angry~~
^^ I will do my best to be with you^^
I will do my best to make you happy^^
k^^
:) smile always^^

Something serious happen to me... but i wonder what it is...coz it make me say things like this...

After listening to that song..(Olivia Ong- rose)

  Feels like there is a lot of things that use to be sad happen to us.. but now feels relief because that we had already been through all of that... Although there is still have many things similar to this (sadness, bad, stress, pain....) are waiting for us in the future... But as the time goes by.. we will grown up... we will know how to handle things like this in a matured way....

I think this is why god creates us as human being... 

We are born, 

We will get old, 

We will get sick, 

We will die..

We learned how to avoid things, 

We learned how to protect ourself..

Later...

People will just wanted to become like a kid..

No need to care this and that, be free always..

But then this is not the way things should be...

We need to overcome every single things and problem we had in life..

Sometimes might get stuck and lost..

But then sooner or later, for sure there is a light shinning through from the window and light up your way..

leads and guide you to the right path...

Some people might just ignore the light...

That is why they are lost and get stuck...

Open up your eyes, try to see at things in another point of view..

you might get some surprise from it too^^

Olivia Ong - The Rose

love you^^

hey~~

no matter what happen to you...

You are still the "you" i know^^

no matter what people says..

no matter what bad tings happen...

I like the way you are^^

I love the way we hang out...

I adore just the way you are

To my beloved friends, family and my love^^

No matter what happen on you all...

I'll do my best to protect you..

I'll do my best to comfort you^^

I'll be there always^^

Love you 

^^

husky~~~~~~~~~~
calling~~~~~~~~~~
husky~~~~~~~~~~
come come~~~~~~
hahaha^^

these days~~

I always think everything will be fine before i start my work..
but now for the first time... i think this work of mine.. doesn't work...><

I always think positive..

on every work that I haven't start..

but now..

is different..

don't know why...

I feel uneasy...

and somehow I feel like it is not going to work..

><

For the first time i heard that rumor...

For the first time i heard people said that...

For the first time I care bout it...

After that day,

I walked back home..

and I can't seems to forget what you said...

But these doesn't important anymore...

since this is how you look at me..

I had nothing to do with it...

and I won't do anything on it..

is your problem if you still bother bout it...

For the first time i plan birthday...

husky...><

I am a bad planner aren't I?

haha^^

but anyways you had fun...

then is nice to me already^^

happy birthday^^

hehehe^^

(although u haven't birthday yet..)

hehe

alamak~~

pretty nervous on this saturday.... >< hope everythings works fine...
alamak~~ i havent plan anything yet...>
First time celebrate bf's birthday....
u should be proud of it...wahahahaha^^
But i donno how to celebrate le...
huhuhu.... eat only lo... haizz...
present... don have oso... mati la saya...
><
huhuhuhu

^^

Did i ever mention that i really scared of ghost?
Husky ar~~ save me~~
Huhu... i really really scared of it..
Really!!
Please~~
Huhuhu... scared ar.....
Why like that le...

Somebody told me...
If your bf (husky) is really good to you...
Don't ever let he go....
^^
I will de la^^ fang xin^^
Another one said to me...
If he is not good to you..
Let he go immediately...
>
hahaha^^

Really... to find one who can speak out what is on my mind is hard to find...
Husky ar.... hehe^^
But i don't really see wat is in you le...
is it because I am the person who don't observe that much?
sorry le... husky...>< 

cat vs dog^^ hahahaha

monday^^

tuesday TT

wednesday^^

thursday TT

friday =))

hehehe^^ 

smile face is when i see u^^

sad face is when i miss u TT

hello hello^^

u there ar?

hehehe :P 

miao~~

need u lo~~~

 we two are bossy^^

u are my boss.......><

i am ur boss!!!

bwahahahahahha^^

so cute le~~~ hehe

heheheh^^

hahaha^^

是不是拥有了就会心淡呢？

一个又一个，都是这样。。

我遇到的人怎么都是这样。。

前两个。。。

现在这个。。 没这样。。会吗？你会吗？

我希望不会。。

但如果是的话。。。

那就算了。。。

哈哈哈哈。。

勉强没幸福的。。

呵呵呵。。

对不对~~husky hor。。。^^

最近怎么那么多人以为我很笨呢？

以为我笨到不会想些逻辑的事。。

我能说我是有点笨。。

但不自于本道会做一些伤害自己的事。。

有些就已为我会为爱情做笨的事。。

拜托。。我在你眼里真的那么笨吗？

知道你是出自于关心。。但也别讲到我时那么消极的人好吗。。

我在你眼里是这样吗？

有人说我是一个siao ka

对我是。。

但也别说我是一个彻底的siao ka。。

我也很真经的。。。

只是你还没看到我认真的样子而已。。

你一定吓到傻。。

有人说，只怕万一我会做出那种十六十五岁会做的傻事。。

自寻短见。。。

=。=lll

erm。。。

我在你眼里是那种笨蛋吗？

我活得好好的。。

不管是什么原因。。

不管什么人。。

不管我多么的伤心。。

我都不会去厌恶这个世界。。

也不会厌恶自己。。

只会觉得自己这吃错了。。

然后从那里吸取教训。。

我一生人最讨厌的，就是那些自寻死路，自寻短见的人！！

给我遇到的话我一定把他骂到够够力！！

你说我会去做这种事吗？

我就有一个朋友。。

大概以为我是能开这种玩笑的人。。

他好死不死跑来跟我说女朋友不要他，他要死。。

还用那种又要哭，又要撑的语气。。（整个死狗这样）

我直接骂到他够够力。。。

他吓到。。目瞪口呆的看着我。。

然后要死不死的跟我说。。

对不起。。以后都不敢这样开玩笑了。。。

明天就看着我然后。。

笑笑的说。。

昨天对不起。。但也谢谢你。。

：）

所以。。

我也许是那种情绪化很强的女生。。

也许是那种sudah sot的女生。。

但绝对不是笨的女生 ：）

但也不是很聪明。。

却知道，做人的道理。。

粗鲁一点说句

你啊妈生出来，是要你生存在这个既世界的。。

而不是叫你放弃自己去死的。。

这样的话，她生你出来干吗？

请记住这个。。

=)

husky~~~~
husky~~~~
almost ur birthday jor~~~
hehehe^^

越拉越不知道该怎么对你。。
很乱啊。。。
以为你会思考关于那天的事。。
谁知你转头对说我已经忘了。。。
你这个人怎么这样。。。><

是我乱说话了吗？
怎么你都没上线？
电话又不回。。。
简讯又不回。。。
早上对你说了些大家都不想听，大家都想逃避的事。。
但，我却觉得越是逃避。。
这件事只会越闹越大。。
实时候做决定了。。。
我们拖了很久。。

今天走路回家。。
幸好那辆车走得慢。。
不然。。。
在lrt里我找了个位子坐下。。
想了很久。。
是不是不应该说出口。。
是不是我错了。。
我是不是太一厢情愿了。。
我是不是逼得你太紧了？

不管怎样。。
我知道你一定知道自己要的是什么。。
不管结果如何。。我都会自持的
不管你给的答案如何。。。。。。。。。。。

是我作的决定！！
不管对或错。。
我都得承担一切到最后的^^

NI KA WA DIAM DIAM LA^^

To all the people i know....^^
This is not complaining or hating someone...
just....
Sometimes I felt that somebody is trying to reject me or avoiding me...
I know sometimes I am so annoying...
If you feel that way... then i am sorry...

Cause I know the feeling of been annoyed and get annoyed.....
sometimes i also cant stand it... xDD

To the people who think i am not serious at all...
HELLO... if you really think me that way..
then you are wrong...
I am damn serious when i doing on something...
I am damn serious and won't let anything to get into my way when i doin a certain things..
so.... don say to me "bobo ar.. can u be more serious on this annot..."
I always fool around people when is free time or when i feel i wanted to..
but when come to serious method...
please don't come and tell me "bobo!! please stop playing!!"
If you don't know how serious i am on my things... please don't say i am not serious!!

To people who are closer to me...
Sometimes i might be angry and not in the mood...
and start to ignore some of you...
i am sorry for that...
really really sorry ><
I really appreciated everyone of you....
so ....
sorry if you being annoyed by me...
if you are angry of me...
you can come and scold me ><
sorry sorry...><

ye ying^^
love you^^ sorry for less hanging out with u jor....
and sometimes i geram a bit...>< sorry^^ love you^^

suh mei^^
sorry and love you^^ sometimes cant help you...
sorry sorry....^^ and love you^^

happy :)

Just one answer from you..
happy jor^^ hehehe

guess i start become sot again^^ hahahaha

siberian husky^^

其实。。
认识了你之后。。我发觉我还蛮笨的。。
你的知识比我多。。你的想法比我成熟。。
你的做风痹我谨慎。。你的谈吐比我稳重。。

所以我觉得。。你能教我很多。。
呵呵^^由于我们都来自不同世界的人。。
想法就没那么的一致了。。
你觉得马来西亚没得救了。。
你觉得自己能承担一切。。
你觉得你能完成一样东西在很短的时间。。
你觉得自己吸取的知识还不够。。
所以，你会飞。。飞到你的梦想。。

哈哈。。到那时不知道会怎样。。
但我终究不是很会看远方的人。。
我只知道，就算你飞了。。
但只要有着美好的回忆。。
就够了~~

听起来你和我好像不是很称
但我们就掩盖掉了对方的缺点。。
你的成熟。。和我的天真。。
你的经验。。和我的突发奇想。。
两个就这样补来补去的。。
你帮了我很多很多。。
我却让你戒掉你的坏习惯。。

记得有几次，我说了一些话你笑了。。
那笑容中时忘不了的。。
呵呵。。
也记得有几次。。你弄到我脸红到不像人一样。。。
而我却一直坚持自己没脸红。。你听了。。又笑了。。。

你的生日就快到了。。
十月二十八。。
但未能在整日陪你度过。。
十月二十三
不见不散咯~~

完蛋了  〉。〈
我该做什么呢？
我该准备什么？
完蛋咯。。。
第一次陪男友过生日le~~
我的前度男友都没有庆祝过。。。
alamak!!!

我应该忘了所有。。

专心的。。全心全意地，做我的功课！！

I should forget bout everything,

and only focus on my works...

乱了思绪。。

为何我总是伤心的那个？
为什么，当我觉得我得到了一切。。
就那几个小时。。
我什么都没了？
朋友，爱情，家人。。
所有的感情。。思绪。。全部都乱了。。

越是靠近，就越容易失去。。
越是懂得，越是迷糊。。
当我懂了。。我又能怎样?
我该往哪个方向走？
我该做什么？
我又能改变什么？

你。。
怎么那么的残忍？
怎么能这么好。。
好到我都忘了你的坏。。
但怎么我刚知道，你的种种坏事。。
不是伤心，反而是想办法对付你。。
而现在却在伤心。。

我对你来说，到底是什么？
你对我来说又是什么？

"u will be lonely forever"

this time...
i really learn from my mistakes.. and i know that what to do now..
haha...
just like what he say..
"u will be lonely forever wan..."
no matter how... i knows it ade.... so i wont be hurt that hard anymore..
i fall once...
i know where to get up...

But one thing very different...
is that i knows where to get up..
and i know where to make u fall..
just wait and see...
you now might be happy...
but once u pick me and fool with me..
i don't think u will survive that easily!!

just let me fall hardly.. just to wake me up

if there have anything chg...
which means u are lying...

i believe you
that is y i don ask much on you bout that...
but now..
because of my curiosity that u said "if i log in u will know..."
and now all ur secret reveal..
what a good job.. that u hiding all these shit behind me...

i got so many question...
><
why u know that there have most of ur stupid lies... but u still tell me how to log in?
why u make me so curious bout it??
why u say if i login the same time with u...u say u will know?
why u lie all these shit to me?
why i still think these shit is fake?
i am super angry now..
and i donno wat to do...
but then...
why i don feel any pain?
why after i finish reading all ur stupid lies...
the first thing is stun... then think of a way to revenge on you?
am i that scary? or i ady don feel the way i feel for u in the first time?

i need to drunk myself again.....><

lies...

no wonder people said the world is round...
what u did wrong on the others..
god will see.. and payback on you....
hurt...

Hope there were a thousands of beer for me to drunk myself completely...
then i can speak out what ever is on my mind that easily...
then i won't keep it for myself.... which make myself suffer more and more.

Why? i now only know...
Why? you use to be and angel... but then today i saw the real you..
Why? you can act in front of me so naturally...
Why? i still think this is not you?
you...
all your lies had start to reveal....
but why? i still giving you chances again and again?
don talk to me for a while...
i don't want to think bout you...
><
please get rid of my mind...
now and forever....

and i wont let you be so happy lying to me like this...
i make sure u feel 10x the pain i am now...
and what you left... is nothing...
is a payback...
i guarantee it....
coz i wont let people hurt me the same way again...
and i wont just crying at a corner...
and get hurt but seeing u so happy there...

猫狗大战 ^^

哈哈^^ 

听到你说 “明天见” 

我就会莫名其妙地笑了一下

今天真的很累。。因为不见了重要的东西所以跑上跑下。。

到现在都还没找到，haizz。。心情很差。。又生气自己多么的粗心大意。。

放弃了。。回家。。然后就sms他

"ft... i reach asia jaya only know all my pass gone... go back and look for it oso don have...huhuhu"

"where are u now?"

"goin back kelana jaya station...ft..."

之后，回到家，妈妈爸爸就骂了我。。怎么这么粗心大意？不是叫你看好来吗？之类的话。。

心情更差。。冲了凉。。开电脑。。上fb

“嗨，你现在怎样了?还好吗？”〈〈〈〈 翻译成华语

“还是找不到。。讨厌自己这样。。haizz。。”

“别这样。。找过班上了吗？”

“找了没有。。”

“路边呢？”

“找了我走过的地方。。都没有。。”

 “那附近一带呢？它可能飞掉了。。因为很轻啊。。”

“怎么可能？”

“ft 你啊。。好啦明天陪你去找。。”

“我自己找就好啦。。你明天有课！！”

“ft 是哦。。嗯。。。我去啦。。。”

“oo ^^”

“去帮你找你的东西”

"haiyo...去上课啦你。。。不用来！！"

“不用劝我。。你得更重要。。而且很快就能好的。。”

“。。。。”

我无话可说。。。 哈哈。。心还蛮甜一下。。 〉〈

“就这样说定啦^^明天照旧在老地方见。。平时的时间。。”

“oo。。。”

“^^”

"那你的课到底是几时开始的？"

“这你不用担心。。拜三我会拿到所有的笔记。。”

“你还是不要来啦。。课比较重要。。”

“都说不要跟我说这个咯。。我要去。。k。。”

“oo。。。”

ps：希望明天能找到。。。
-husky vs kitty- 
feel sweet anyways.... haha^^

越来越乱，越来越模糊，越来越陌生。。

不论在哪方面，家，学校，情人。。

我好像站在十字路口。。人来人往。。

但我就只是站在中间，动都不动的。。

就这样放空了。。

昨天，去喝了别人的喜酒。。也去庆祝我婆婆的大寿。。

有些让我觉得很无奈的是发生。。

我又那么得难以融入吗？

还是我们都来自不同的世界？所以你会这样。。。

新的学期在9月27号已经开始了。。

现在才打上来blog这里。。 呵呵。。

功课就像以前一样。。多得像座山一样。。

haizz。。看见朋友们一个个都勤劳了起来。。

就我还是一样懒洋洋的。。

一拖再拖。。

haizz。。

就情人嘛。。

哈哈。。

haizz。。

终于，就在我酒后乱乱说话。。

我们竟然。。

好像很儿戏，很不切实际，又很虚的感觉。。

haizz。。

不知道啊~~~

人生。。。。。 =。=ll

something i don't even know!!

did you ever feel everything is running way to fast?
although everything running this way...
don't know why i feel like i stop at one stop, starring at something...
something that doesn't help at all...
something that are so annoying...
something that i am not familiar with...
something i even don't know what it is...
this "something" has distracted me completely...
i can't focus...
still drowning on that "something" kinds of illusion...
haizz....
what are you (something)....
is not a person nor a thing that i like...
a feeling? an illusion? a nightmare?
wat are u...><

Time to work la....
Wake up la!!!
Stop blogging la....>< haiyo.....

Feel like drinking half dozen of beers tonight..

let me drunk myself completely....

hehe^^ new sem.... new start

hahaha^^
finally update my blog.... i think most of my classmates now is struggling on their works... but i am that lazy.... not motivated to do my works... died..... hahha^^ but anyways.. i will start it as soon as possible^^ haha

haizz... finally^^ i with my husky ^^ haha is good or bad.... i also donno... and i don't wanna think that way.. don't care... guess i back to the old me i think^^ haha but anyways... these days at coll my face get red easily.. not angry but blushing...>< first husky he always make me blushing jor... then back to class.. my lao po... my friends even my lect..... haiyo....><

BTW.... Anyways...^^ thanks for all your wishes and bless^^ hehe^^

:P

LOVE YOU

husky^^

favourite place for now + favourite things~~

mph~~~lalala~~

my favorite place for now...

don't know y...

ice cream~~

mph~~

dancing machine~~

para para~~

A'nW

chocolate~~

>< ar>< 

my god><

movie~~ hehe~~

lrt

ktm

>w<

Well this is what you say..

"I don't wanted to promise you anything now.. cause I haven't settle anything..."

"I don't want to hurt you by breaking the promise i made to you"

Which means I need to wait for you....

isn't it rite..??

how long?

you are going to fly soon you know....

how long can i wait?

how long you will take?

and why i sounds so desperate?

haha...

fine then...

i don't want to care jor..

haha^^

ur hand are on my waist...

u hold my hands...

u lean ur head on my shoulder...

u comb my hair...

u.....

argh>< 

paiseh jor >< haiyo>< 

i don wan say jor><

these days...

hey...

i really get mess up now...

i thought that i really forget bout you...

but yet...

haha...

anyways...

that feeling i had for you already decrease..

really..

i don't want to lie to myself nor to you...

but what ever i felt right now it really doesn't matter to me...

it matters to you...

but not me...

(somehow i feel that i said these are lying to myself.....><)

get it out...

get out from my life^^

walau...

got one guy...

really really...

i don know how to respond...

he say i look cute (no i don think so)

he say i look sexy (=.= wtf!!!)

he say can he do ..... (@.@ tat is it!!! wtf!!!)

WTH la this guy!!!

MA.DE.DIAO.NI.LA.

walau =.=llll

not going to think much^^

this is my life btw... with or without you... i still can live^^

k..
is better we be like this..
i m pretty happy that u feel guilty... (thoughts from de evil me)
haha^^
no matter how..
now is up to you..
you wanted to be happy or sad is up to you..
k....

but to think back..... what had i done to you?..
you looks like you are in a big problem..
you looks like you are facing a major thing..
but then the way you said things to me is like you were escaping..
this is not the one i know..
so not you...

for some reason..
after i said things like this to you... i really feel release by something..
but then look at you...
you are like you are in a big problem...

although i feel like release by something..
the price is high..
i know that after i said this to you we sure like this..
that is why i kept it..
but that night..
because of that drink..
i let it out..
and now..
we are more like a strangers..
we are like we just met each other..
no... worst than that too..
we can't even find any topic to talk with..
we can't even chat like we used to be..
we can't even...
all things turn wrong and out of control in just one night..


life is full of surprise..
and i hate these kinds of surprise

Don't ever get urself drunk

Don't ever get urself drunk.. cause u might not know wat u going to do... when u got drunk...

now... troubles that i made... i can't even control it..

is like i m the trouble of all the things...

i am not that me anymore...

and i am nothing but a rubbish to you...

i am the extra..

an optional...

a thing that you don't even wanted to care ...

if you care...

i am here to tell you..

please abandon me..

cause the situation that we are being now..

there are only 2 ways..

one is you abandon me along the roadside...

one is you accepted me, but abandon the one that you choose on the first time...

both of it... is hurting...

either one of us will be hurt...

but y don't you let go of me..

and let me take all this?

if i m not drunken...

i wouldn't said anything bout that to you...

cause i know it is impossible...

and make things worst...

is fair to let me have all the sorrow and sadness..

and i am so sorry for what i did...

sorry for everything i did...

things had change...

we can't talk like we used to be..

we can't chat like we used to be...

we can't play like we used to be too...

u... had the wright to choose...

and i had the wright to wait...

but even thought u haven't make ur choice..

i think i know the answer...

if there is a miracle happening..

please happen on the person who needed it the most..

if the angels are kind..

please don't let me walk in heaven..

i don't deserve to walk into nor in front the gate of heaven..

if i never said that to you..

you will never knows...

and we will be like our same pattern..

if i tell you bout that...

at least you knows..

at least i had no regrets...

跟你讲话简直是贬低自己。。

骂你粗口简直是浪费口水。。。=。=

脾气再好的人都给你弄到吐血。。

try let me saw u walking on the street or try come and talk rubbish to me again.. u sure become a dead man !! 

fuck you!!  mcb.. cjb...

finally i change everything, too sad all are still in the same theme.. which is the things i love the most.. lights^^ night lights^^ 

how to say, they makes me feel relax in a way.. and i love it very much^^...

hey.. i wonder, since when i keep on crying for people that hurts me so much... but now, i wont be crying for people like this.. (hope so) but i will cry for the time i wasted just for you in my life...

life is really short, and why i wasted most of the time living in sadness and tears? i should forget bout you and her.. but i still will kept that nice memories of ours..

memories, there are many people around the world.. but there is only a part of it is involving with you.. at this moment: 

who you miss the most?

who you love the most?

for me, as time goes by, these answer for these 2 question always change... how bout you?

haha^^ never been this happy before... ya... right... ^^ feel release by something... feel free~~ lala~~but in the same time.. lonely is approaching... haha... come beat me....