disappointed..

what ever I do always break their hearts..
From young till now they never let me do any decision on my own..
Is not that I wanted to complain but.. is like been lock up in the tower and only can go out once per month or year.. and must be back in daylight...
Once I came back late, is either been scolded by them or been grounded by them.. hey I'm 20 now T^T I know is not old but yet I'm an adult... I know I might be acting the fool all the time but hey.. I'll be sure to be matured when comes to deal things.. I don't wanted to be protected as a flower inside the green house.. let me explore and even fall.. so that I can learn more... I'll be fine.. I promise..


No matter how my heart scream out those words.. I never manage to tell them.. Cause the moment this words and spoken.. things get worst.. Standing in my point of view, is like I keep trying to break out the cage no matter there is any rule or what ever things which tries to lock me up.. I be sure to break it.. But standing in my parents point of view, this daughter is the worst ever they can had.. it hurts them and me too.. but still we stand still on our point.. from the beginning till now.. our heart breaks apart..


yesterday was one of the most scariest night.. mother and second sis came and scolded me cause they been scolded by father as well.. and father came back home this early morning 3 4 am I think.. and he was drunk and keep hit things and bang thing loudly until everyone was awake.. On that moment, I cried and knows that my stupid attitude breaks them apart.. my action always made them worried till the top until it explode..


Last time I had the same situation like this before but when I came back they just scolded me and then that is all.. but this time is like everything collapse and exploded everywhere.. Father heart hurts until he get himself drunk.. mother scolded me in that voice I heard it once before this happen.. when she was totally sad, mad and even heart broken.. I don't know.. What I suppose to do.. What should I do..


Don't like this.. really hate this so much.. my heart broken when I think without me they can become a happy family.. Cause I am nothing but a trouble to them..cried silently every night when I think about this.. is not any other people fault making them to become like that but me.. Second sis is super good until they will never worried about her.. lil sis is still young but she was the youngest and they loved her.. they loved me too.. deep inside their heart.. I know.. but I hurt that much until it leave scars in their heart..


I'm really disappointed in myself for being the worst daughter ever... The daughter who break them apart... the daughter who kills their love...
sorry, for being like this..
sorry, for hurting your heart from young till now..
sorry, for always saying "sorry" to you...
Sorry.. sorry..